Long lost love

Further to my previous post my mood unfortunately still has not improved. My mind started to wander and think about all old friends and boyfriends.
When I was in my late teens, early twenties I used to go to the pub a fair bit, and get very drunk a lot. I didn't really have any boyfriends at this time just a group I used to hang out with, but there was one, who invariably caught my eye, he was clever, funny and drunk just as much as me. He was also so sweet he would quite often walk with me part way home, and we would have a drunken snog or two. This went on for a while, until one day I realized I was in love with this guy. Oh deep shit.

I did not say anything to him or anyone else. I thought stupidly he felt the same, until one day I overheard him in the pub talking to his friend about another girl, meeting her and going out with her, my heart was broken, smashed. I realized he had never taken me seriously, I also realized he didn't love me, so I let him go, I moved on. My job was going nowhere, my parents had split up and moved so I packed up and moved out of town.

About twelve months or so later I went back for a visit and tried to find my friends, I met up with a few, who told me he was getting married. This cut even deeper, I felt cheap and used, I had not even been given a second thought. So I put him out of my mind and carried on with my life.

This is to say about five years ago I went back to this town and bumped into this guy, wow ! The fire, the passion, the spark was all still there and it seemed like yesterday I had seen him last. I got chatting and he gave me his email address and we began corresponding. Anyway it turns out he's not very happy with his lot. He also says he realizes now what he had. Too late I wanted to say, but no, I wanted to see how I felt I needed to know. My sister still lives in town so I used her as an excuse to visit and met him again.

What if.... What if...... Is all I keep coming back too. The passion, fire and alcohol were all still there, as was my husband. I am glad he was, I have never contemplated or even wanted to disregard my marriage vows, that is until now. Needless to say it didn't happen and I have said farewell.