This email was sent to me, I found it amusing so I thought I would reprint for you all here:-
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in thecold.
THE END... except...
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's afool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and wellfed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;withcuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
TheBBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home and utilizes it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get toBritain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council househe is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticized by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom. The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END... (and it may well be just that)
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
History
The weather didn't look too great today, so I suggested to Mr Shywoo, that we take a trip out. A trip down to Stonehenge, I thought that not many people would venture out, as it looked like it might chuck it down any minute.
After a two hour drive, we arrived, the place was heaving with coaches, and cars, clearly other people had the same idea.
The place itself was fascinating, and you get a little audio guide to explain the different stones, and the discoveries made about them. I thought the entrance fee of £5.90 per adult was a little steep, when you can actually see the stones from the road.
On the way back we stopped in the delightful town of Salisbury, for some lunch, and of course an impromptu bit of shopping, before driving home.
Lovely, just the way Sundays should be spent, messing about in the countryside.
After a two hour drive, we arrived, the place was heaving with coaches, and cars, clearly other people had the same idea.
The place itself was fascinating, and you get a little audio guide to explain the different stones, and the discoveries made about them. I thought the entrance fee of £5.90 per adult was a little steep, when you can actually see the stones from the road.
On the way back we stopped in the delightful town of Salisbury, for some lunch, and of course an impromptu bit of shopping, before driving home.
Lovely, just the way Sundays should be spent, messing about in the countryside.
Friday, August 18, 2006
TFI Friday
What a heavy meeting it turned into yesterday got a right lambasting (I think that's the word).
Needless to say I did have an inkling hence my previous post. I had to get to the office to do some work which I did at 7.30am before getting the 9.00am train to go to Bristol. The meeting went well left me with lots of further work, as usual, then train home getting home 7.00pm. Today was at work from 7.00am, till 4.00pm did not have time for a lunch hour. So TFI FRIDAY, Two days off, though I was contemplating going into work tomorrow, but after this week they can stuff it. I've done enough, think of all that overtime I hear you cry!, What overtime I say ?
I feel absolutely knackered, always seem to be saying am going to bed, when I am typing this, but that's cause I am. Mr Shywoo is still out, I will be asleep before he comes home and up before he wakes up, like usual.
Goodnight people, my big double bed is calling, mmmmmm, sleep
Needless to say I did have an inkling hence my previous post. I had to get to the office to do some work which I did at 7.30am before getting the 9.00am train to go to Bristol. The meeting went well left me with lots of further work, as usual, then train home getting home 7.00pm. Today was at work from 7.00am, till 4.00pm did not have time for a lunch hour. So TFI FRIDAY, Two days off, though I was contemplating going into work tomorrow, but after this week they can stuff it. I've done enough, think of all that overtime I hear you cry!, What overtime I say ?
I feel absolutely knackered, always seem to be saying am going to bed, when I am typing this, but that's cause I am. Mr Shywoo is still out, I will be asleep before he comes home and up before he wakes up, like usual.
Goodnight people, my big double bed is calling, mmmmmm, sleep
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Darts
Just been out tonight to darts, or team needless to say lost 3-2, par for the course really. I was just wondering what else to post further photos, stories or jokes. who knows. I am feeling really lethargic, tonight, what if, still keeps coming to mind.
One decision can change the course of your life so much, that when you look back on it, you wonder how you came to the point you are at. Oh god I am off on one, not good. Am off to bed now I have a heavy meeting tomorrow in Bristol, deep joy!. Good night people, I love you all, especially some more than other, you know who you are. Goodnight !.
PS post your comments as to further posts, dont be shy now.
One decision can change the course of your life so much, that when you look back on it, you wonder how you came to the point you are at. Oh god I am off on one, not good. Am off to bed now I have a heavy meeting tomorrow in Bristol, deep joy!. Good night people, I love you all, especially some more than other, you know who you are. Goodnight !.
PS post your comments as to further posts, dont be shy now.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Race for Life - Photos
A friend of mine, kindly (or not so kindly) emailed me the photos of the race for life which I did back along. Thought I would give you all a fright by publishing a couple. Those of you that know me, know which one is me, the others can keep guessing....
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Poems
I was surfing the net and found this poems, I thought I would reprint for you all,
Thru the eyes of love and desire.
Thru the eyes of love the desire burns in my heart.
Wanting to hold, and look thru your eyes of love.
Thru the eyes of passion, I want to feel love start.
Waiting to find you, a love true, my only dove.
Thru the dreams of my mind, compassion will come.
Dreaming of the tenderness and soft touch of your hand.
Thru the dreams we dream together hoping to meet.
Dreaming of your heart beat next to mine, feeling grand.
To feel your hand in mine, feel your spark thru me.
Is to feel completed, released from dread fears.
To feel your heart in mine, is the key that sets me free.
Is to feel a heart, taste the tears of love for all our years.
Let me whisper sweet love sonnets in your ears.
And touch you softly, gently dry your tears.
Let me look into your soft glowing dove eyes.
That radiates in my heart, and empowers thru the years.
Thru the eyes of love I dream to find you.
I will plot a course to enchant your heart.
Thru the eyes of my heart I only see you.
Waiting and longing for our love to start.
Aaron S. Thomas, USA (Poems From the Heart)Fri Aug 8 03:02:05 BST 2003
Thru the eyes of love and desire.
Thru the eyes of love the desire burns in my heart.
Wanting to hold, and look thru your eyes of love.
Thru the eyes of passion, I want to feel love start.
Waiting to find you, a love true, my only dove.
Thru the dreams of my mind, compassion will come.
Dreaming of the tenderness and soft touch of your hand.
Thru the dreams we dream together hoping to meet.
Dreaming of your heart beat next to mine, feeling grand.
To feel your hand in mine, feel your spark thru me.
Is to feel completed, released from dread fears.
To feel your heart in mine, is the key that sets me free.
Is to feel a heart, taste the tears of love for all our years.
Let me whisper sweet love sonnets in your ears.
And touch you softly, gently dry your tears.
Let me look into your soft glowing dove eyes.
That radiates in my heart, and empowers thru the years.
Thru the eyes of love I dream to find you.
I will plot a course to enchant your heart.
Thru the eyes of my heart I only see you.
Waiting and longing for our love to start.
Aaron S. Thomas, USA (Poems From the Heart)Fri Aug 8 03:02:05 BST 2003
Friday, August 11, 2006
Tagged
As I have been tagged by stegbeetle here goes ;-
10 years ago
Now 10yrs ago, what would that make it, yes 1996. I had just moved into a house, a house I couldnt sell as I had negative equity. So glad I hung onto it now!!, but then it was a struggle. I was working for a company which no longer exsist now. My step-children were going through various stages, one of them I think was shop-lifting, but on the whole I was still having one big party. I was still young then.
5 years ago
Husband had been in intensive care for three days I nearly lost him. I had changed jobs twice within 12 months. Step-daughter had passed her degree a Southampton university getting a 2.1 degree after 3 years, i might add proudly. I was working part-time bar, to help us live due to husband being off work.
1 year ago
Last year was a horriblus annus, a whole collection of events went on that I dont wish to discuss, just to say we lost several family members, which I am still trying to deal with, or should I say help my family deal with. On a happier note, I took a trip on the overnight sleeper from Euston to Inverness with husband for a long weekend. It was gorgeous, a definite must do again soon.
5 songs I know all the words to
(Gosh this one is a bit embarrasing)
~Tainted Love - Soft Cell
~Against all Odds - Phil Collins
~Meatloaf - Paradise by the dashboard light
~Madonna - Like a virgin
~Its raining Men - The Weather Girls
5 Snacks
~White chocolate
~Milk Chocolate
~Dark Chocolate
~Organic Chocolate
~Plain Chocolate
5 things to I'd do with £100 million
~Buy a large remote Scottish Castle
~Buy a London pad
~Put 1 Million in trust for work colleagues for 5 years (ha ha)
~Set up a good cause trust
~Tell my bosses to F**K themselves
5 places I'd run away to
~I'd buy a motor caravan and be a nomad
~London to be lord mayor (oh no thats going to be Jeremy Clarkson)
~I would say Devon, but I already live here
~Amarillo
~Norfolk
5 things I'd never wear
~A boob tube
~A mini skirt
~A shellsuit
~A frilly dress
~A floppy hat
5 favourite TV shows
~Lost
~Scooby Doo
~Simpsons
~Most Haunted
~Cartoons
5 greatest joys
~Early morning down at the sea front
~Moonlight nights
~Being out in the countryside
~Beer
~Chocolate
5 favourite toys
~PC
~Mobile Phone
~My old snes
~DVD Player
~Pc Games
~
10 years ago
Now 10yrs ago, what would that make it, yes 1996. I had just moved into a house, a house I couldnt sell as I had negative equity. So glad I hung onto it now!!, but then it was a struggle. I was working for a company which no longer exsist now. My step-children were going through various stages, one of them I think was shop-lifting, but on the whole I was still having one big party. I was still young then.
5 years ago
Husband had been in intensive care for three days I nearly lost him. I had changed jobs twice within 12 months. Step-daughter had passed her degree a Southampton university getting a 2.1 degree after 3 years, i might add proudly. I was working part-time bar, to help us live due to husband being off work.
1 year ago
Last year was a horriblus annus, a whole collection of events went on that I dont wish to discuss, just to say we lost several family members, which I am still trying to deal with, or should I say help my family deal with. On a happier note, I took a trip on the overnight sleeper from Euston to Inverness with husband for a long weekend. It was gorgeous, a definite must do again soon.
5 songs I know all the words to
(Gosh this one is a bit embarrasing)
~Tainted Love - Soft Cell
~Against all Odds - Phil Collins
~Meatloaf - Paradise by the dashboard light
~Madonna - Like a virgin
~Its raining Men - The Weather Girls
5 Snacks
~White chocolate
~Milk Chocolate
~Dark Chocolate
~Organic Chocolate
~Plain Chocolate
5 things to I'd do with £100 million
~Buy a large remote Scottish Castle
~Buy a London pad
~Put 1 Million in trust for work colleagues for 5 years (ha ha)
~Set up a good cause trust
~Tell my bosses to F**K themselves
5 places I'd run away to
~I'd buy a motor caravan and be a nomad
~London to be lord mayor (oh no thats going to be Jeremy Clarkson)
~I would say Devon, but I already live here
~Amarillo
~Norfolk
5 things I'd never wear
~A boob tube
~A mini skirt
~A shellsuit
~A frilly dress
~A floppy hat
5 favourite TV shows
~Lost
~Scooby Doo
~Simpsons
~Most Haunted
~Cartoons
5 greatest joys
~Early morning down at the sea front
~Moonlight nights
~Being out in the countryside
~Beer
~Chocolate
5 favourite toys
~PC
~Mobile Phone
~My old snes
~DVD Player
~Pc Games
~
Monday, August 07, 2006
Monday again
How it seems to come round really quickly, the weekend was interesting to say the least. I managed to speak to husband about how he feels and try and gee him up again !!.
I think this time it might work. We had a nice night out to the local on Saturday night and Sunday took a pleasant ride over Dartmoor and stopped for lunch, it was really lovely.
Other than that not much happening life is plodding on again as usual. It will soon be Friday again.
Wouldnt it be good if we could work only two days, then had the rest of the week off, now theres a thought, am off to bed dreaming of those days amongst other things.
I think this time it might work. We had a nice night out to the local on Saturday night and Sunday took a pleasant ride over Dartmoor and stopped for lunch, it was really lovely.
Other than that not much happening life is plodding on again as usual. It will soon be Friday again.
Wouldnt it be good if we could work only two days, then had the rest of the week off, now theres a thought, am off to bed dreaming of those days amongst other things.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Weekly update
A quick update on the week, nothing much happened, been a bit down, (after last weekend). Husband has been given another month off work he has now been off since April for depression and I am sure some of you know it is not always easy to keep cheerful. It seems after everything that has happened in last two years (losing several family members) he is only one allowed to fall apart.
This week went to darts as usual, and for some reason got absolutely legless, I didn't plan it, everyone just keep buying me drinks and before you know, I cant remember walking home (yes before you ask I was on my own), even though the same man as before did offer again. I politely refused as we all know what happened last time.
Thursday though wasn't so good for me at work I had a stinking major hangover, and everyone was laughing at me, good job it doesn't happen often. I couldn't cope with that.
Yesterday was the day I was on a downer, I for some reason just couldn't cope and got very tearful when I got home. Largely down to the fact I came home really happy then get ignored or just grunted at. AHHHHHH.
Everyone is still in bed at the moment so thought before another beautiful day begins I would try and lighten my mood by passing it on to you all.
Have a good day all.
This week went to darts as usual, and for some reason got absolutely legless, I didn't plan it, everyone just keep buying me drinks and before you know, I cant remember walking home (yes before you ask I was on my own), even though the same man as before did offer again. I politely refused as we all know what happened last time.
Thursday though wasn't so good for me at work I had a stinking major hangover, and everyone was laughing at me, good job it doesn't happen often. I couldn't cope with that.
Yesterday was the day I was on a downer, I for some reason just couldn't cope and got very tearful when I got home. Largely down to the fact I came home really happy then get ignored or just grunted at. AHHHHHH.
Everyone is still in bed at the moment so thought before another beautiful day begins I would try and lighten my mood by passing it on to you all.
Have a good day all.
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